Letter from Oz

Cue Neighbours type theme music.

Cut to scene of laundrette somewhere near Ramsay Street

Entering the laundrette is a middle-aged and rather large woman who struggles through the door with a carry bag stuffed full of dirty underwear. Already inside is an Aussie bloke (you can tell he's Australian because no-one else would be brave, read stupid, enough to wear purple board shorts with a pale blue "Billabong" top). He is glancing nervously at his watch as a technicolour tangle of clothes spins around and around in the dryer...

OK. So I was a bit late in getting to the start of Rick and Kevin's Larly.

Yes, I admit that the reason for my delay was due to an incident in the laundrette.

Yes, it did involve a tumble dryer, a large Hungarian woman and two pounds worth of 20p bits, but any rumour of a bottle of fabric softener being involved has been greatly exaggerated.

My first challenge, after actually getting to the start, was to plot on the map simple tulips, some with clue numbers, some without.

The Map - Loads of squiggly lines, all different colours, and lots of green too. Hang on, what's this? Five junctions in one grid square, and that's without even counting the white roads. Of course all this information is thoughtfully presented in a neat folded booklet form.

Compare this to a South Australian map. Not so many lines, nowhere near as squiggly, only two colours - red is tarmac, brown is dirt. (Most roads are brown). You are lucky to get one junction per square never mind five! And the map comes as a large unfolded sheet which means you can fold it how you want it folded.

So I had firstly to overcome the problem of contending with all those colours and lines and secondly of trying to master the Japanese art of Origami (paper folding for the uninitiated or just plain uneducated).

Despite all this I did actually manage to put a route down on the map and did manage to guide Nick Jenkinson in the right direction - well, most of the time anyway. To me the roads were totally unfamiliar. But fortunately Nick had been there before, more than once I think.

The first thing I noticed about Nick, no! Not that.... Or that. This man is a seriously good observer. He spotted the answers almost before I read out the clues.

The event comprised of four competitive sections with a good mix of navigation. Luckily for the foreign crews it was all fairly easy. But all the while the clock was ticking away just to stop you (or I) backtracking too much looking for missed clues.

Section four was the sting in the tail. The navigation comprised a sequence of grid lines which had to be crossed in order, not too difficult. Also there was a clue between each instruction, mostly on junctions. Which means crews were kept very busy right up until the last.

I was sure glad to get back to the Duke's Head where we then had to do some quick calculations using answers to previous clues. Finally the answer sheet was handed in with mere seconds to spare until we started incurring late time penalties.

When all the crews had returned (five in total), the scores were added up and the winners duly announced. Much to my surprise, Nick and I had won with a margin of ten points over the Phillipsons. Even more surprising was that we got prize money - does this mean I am now well on my way to becoming a professional co-driver?

Well as Rick Smith said, if I was a professional, I would have gone OTL before the start.